I recently had a birthday and am now officially 37 years old. There’s some type of reflection that usually comes with a birthday, major holiday, or bringing in the new year. The famous question will somehow pop into your mind. Am I happy?
I really thought about that this year. Am I happy turned into am I fulfilled, am I where I’m supposed to be in life, am I doing enough, am I making a difference?? It’s not just simply one question, in fact it’s so much more than that.
I attempted to make a mental listing of all my current life points.
I love my children more than anything in the world, but they also drive me crazier than anything in the world.
I enjoy spending time with friends laughing and talking, but I secretly want to hide in social situations because my anxiety is soaring.
I crave traveling, taking new adventures, but I also constantly think there’s 18,000 things I could be accomplishing if I stayed home.
I think my relationship and communication with my husband is strong, but some days I wonder if our children are the glue that hold us together.
I am blessed to be a SAHM and have a hands on full time experience raising my children and keeping a home, but I also crave purpose and miss the fulfillment of a career.
I live to volunteer, it’s the air that I breathe, but volunteering means missing out on the fun aspect of the experience sometimes.
There are so many contradicting thoughts here. So many questions that I cannot define with an answer, and that is a struggle for me. You hear people say things simply aren’t black and white, learn to relax, go with the flow! I crave answers, direction, a sign as to which way to go. I guess you could say that is what faith is, but even that comes with a laundry list of questions.
Who knew at 37 years of age the true question to life would arise - what is the balance? What is the balance between the positive and the negative, the happy and sad, the sweet and the sour, the experience and the introvert, your past, future, and right now? How can we manage to in a sense “do it all” and make life amazing? Perhaps I just need to fast forward to 38 and call it a wash!
Pondering life’s hard questions.....
Until next time...
Sara
