John and I attended the required pre-marriage counseling sessions and took the marriage test. I know you're be shocked to learn that we failed. We didn't just fail by a small percentage, we bombed that test and had the lowest score ever recorded. John and I didn't fit into that perfect Catholic box. When the priest asked us how many children we planned on having, we responded with 2 or 3. Apparently that also wasn't fitting into that perfect box, and he tried his best to sign us up for natural family planning classes. I was 20 years old. At that point in my life I had zero desire to have children, heck we didn't even have full time jobs at that point! How would we even begin to raise a child?
After we were married I closed the door on religion and never looked back. It was my time to rebel against the world that I was forced to assimilate to. I knew what I believed in, and I knew that my beliefs did not fit into the Catholic world. My future path was fuzzy, and I had no idea where it would lead me.
Cue the divorce. Yep the divorce. See that piece to the puzzle plays an instrumental role in my life. After the divorce, with a little encouragement from a good friend, I went to church. It wasn't a Catholic church, but Methodist. It was there that I could feel my inner spirit begin to shine because I had finally realized I didn't have to believe everything that was set before me. If I didn't agree with the teachings it was accepted, because nobody was forcing me to believe. Abby was baptized at this church, and I will forever be grateful for the memories that I have of those times.
From there I went to Lutheran church and spent a few years enjoying getting back to my true love - singing. I had lost so much of myself during the separation and divorce and this church was where I rediscovered my love of music. Wyatt was baptized at this church, and I can't tell you how happy of a day that was.
At this time in my life I knew I needed to find something that encouraged that music spark just a little bit more. The next church really was nothing like anything I had ever attended before. Hands in the air, contemporary music, coffee, fellowship, volunteering, a nursery? I absolutely loved it. This church was the one I attended for the shortest amount of time, but I knew that I had to find something that was a balance between this and the Lutheran faith. So what did I do at this point? I quit going to church.
Wait, quit going to church? That's absolutely right, I quit going. I needed to take a step back and realize what I needed and what I was looking for. Remember at this time in my life I had two little kids and a husband that still doesn't believe in any type of organized religion. Life was busy.
Then Deacon was born and was baptized in our backyard in a beautiful ceremony by a family friend. It was the push I needed to get back to church. This time going back was a struggle. I was suffering through PPD after having Deacon, and I wasn't comfortable in my own community. I had no desire at this point in my life to "go out and meet the people." But even with all that hesitation I put on my brave face and hauled my baby to church.
This is the moment of the story when you begin the happy music. You see I walked into Zion and my life has truly never been the same since. I was welcomed with open arms, and I felt safe. I instantly knew there was no box here, I would be accepted, loved, and appreciated. Zion was the total package - contemporary music, coffee, Sunday school, opportunities to volunteer, people that cared not only about me but about my children, and just an overall feeling of love and acceptance. Most people go to church for the message, the religious aspect, I go for the feeling of community. All that Jesus stuff in my eyes is simply a bonus. I still know what I believe in and don't, and I know it's accepted. I am by no means a perfect person, I yell at my kids, I swear like a sailor, I struggle with anxiety, and I insert my foot in my mouth so quick sometimes it makes my own skin crawl. But despite all those flaws and more, I know Jesus loves me and accepts me. I know that despite my life choices, or how down in the dumps I can feel, Jesus loves and accepts me. At the end of the day you can't make me love Jesus, but when I'm ready he'll be there for me and has been every single step of my journey.
- until next time....
Sara
